The issue of marriage and parenthood has captured national attention.

Marriage is reportedly on the increase but so is the divorce rate. This, despite efforts to educate couples before marriage, promote marital enrichment programmes and offer family life education.

There is also a trend of younger couples deciding to go separate ways.

The rise in the divorce rate has led many to believe that couples are being careless and uncommitted, and lack the tolerance and resilience to make marriage work.

Yet when I reflect on this issue, I am reminded of the struggle and pain that couples go through in seeking to end their marriage.

There is firstly the struggle with a shattered dream of what could have been. To couples in this situation, it represents death, not only of their relationship but also their hopes and dreams of a lifelong relationship. This may explain why some couples vacillate in their decision to divorce.

Divorce is also deemed a failure and nobody likes to fail, especially in our success-oriented society. The shame ensuing from such failure intensifies the stress and is sometimes exacerbated by some religious condemnation of divorce as sin.

Sometimes the decision to divorce could be precipitated by abuse or extra-marital affairs. This augments the pain as the offended party has to contend with psychological injury involving self-esteem damage.

Then there is the dilemma about children. Many couples do not want their kids to suffer the ignominy of being children of broken marriages. Also, both parents may not wish to lose their children, even though joint custody is now advocated.

Indeed dealing with divorce and its aftermath is an excruciating process.

For some, it is like a living death as the ex-spouse is still alive although the relationship has died. The anguish of having to meet each other during child-access periods makes some wish the other person dead so there is no longer any need to deal with him or her.

The other difficult transition issue has to do with the stigma of divorce. Many are afraid to disclose their status. Some women feel they have lost their identity because they are no longer a 'Mrs'.

For these reasons, I am more empathetic towards divorcing couples and divorcees. I seek to embrace them without making them feel they have failed, committed a sin or are any less of a person.

I want them to know I am aware that breaking up is hard to do.

This article was first published in The Sunday Times on Aug 17, 2008.