I was a homemaker for a year when my oldest son was three years old.
It was my sabbatical year in the United States back then. I had plenty of time at home while my wife was working as a registered nurse in the city's hospital. So I ended up as a stay-home dad.
For a while, the idea seemed novel and simple enough. At least that was what I thought until I found out that being with an active three-year-old for much of the day was not as predictable and controlled as I had anticipated.
For a start, I organised my day to prepare meals for both of us, hopefully get him to take naps in the afternoon and perhaps take him out to the park for some fun. I would also allocate time to write my book and do whatever reading I had assigned for myself.
To my exasperation, this was not to be.
My son wanted me to play with him and watch Sesame Street on television every morning. He also wanted me to read to him.
I thought it would be child's play to do this. But each time I finished a book, he would take another. It got worse when he decided that he wanted me to re-read all the books.
The afternoon nap was something I had looked forward to. At least I would have some respite. But he decided to keep me company while I was writing and asked me questions about practically everything.
He came to me one day and asked, 'Pop, why does a doughnut have a hole?' I could not think of an answer.
One day I decided to tire him with activities so that he would leave me in peace for some time in the afternoon.
But he took a while to fall asleep, by which time I was just as exhausted. It was also time to prepare dinner and then brace myself to spend more time with him when he got up.
I remember how I welcomed my wife's return from work to relieve me from my duties, and to have some adult conversation.
This brief experience as a homemaker set me thinking about what stay-at-home mums without maids must be experiencing. It dawned on me that it can be quite a challenge for women to quit their jobs to stay home with the children.
I also discovered that contrary to popular opinion, stay-home mums do not have a lot of time on their hands. All too often they are engaged in household chores, childcare and a lot of other things.
Being with just the children can also be a lonely experience and despite the tendency to romanticise homemaking, it may not be that endearing.
This experience taught me to participate in childcare and to be as involved a father as I could be when my sons were growing up.
Now that they are grown up, I am gratified that my involvement in their lives has paid off. We not only maintain our bond but they have also been equipped to help out in the household.
I have been asked what I would do if I could live it all over again. The answer is simple. I would like to have a year's paternity leave to be a stay-home dad.
This article was first published in The Straits Times on Sep 7, 2008.
