WHEN it comes to sex before marriage, Singaporeans are generally conservative.

According to a recent online poll commissioned by my paper, six in 10 respondents were virgins before their wedding day. But their attitude seems to change after marriage.

In the poll, the 283 people - 96 women and 187 men - were also asked if they had cheated on their partners. About one in five of those surveyed said they did.

The poll was conducted by Singapore Press Holdings' research, analysis and planning department. And although both men and women are thought to be just as promiscuous, the poll showed that more men cheat on their partners. Of those who cheated, 23 per cent of men were guilty of infidelity while only 14 per cent of the fairer sex had gone astray.

Sex partners are usually friends and colleagues.

The most common reasons cited for cheating are - boredom in their current relationship, lack of satisfaction with their current sex life and a desire to seek thrills.

The survey also shows that those between 26 to 35 years are more prone to infidelity. Among those who had cheated on their partners, three in four of their partners were not aware of their misdeeds. About half said they would never confess.

Former accountant W.N. Hu, 29, had sex with her ex-boyfriend when she was dating another man, who is now her husband. She kept mum about the tryst.

She said: "I loved my ex-boyfriend very much, but I know he'd never be able to give me happiness. He's too flighty. I felt very guilty then but I'd take this secret to my grave. He (her husband) must never know."

The survey also shows that in cases where their partners are aware of their philandering, three in four continue with their trysts as they cannot get themselves to stop.

More men than women felt that it was possible to love someone and still cheat on their partners.

And men are also more likely to engage in orgies than women. The mentality among women is similarly more conservative than men even when it comes to cyber sex.

Four in five women think cyber sex is cheating but half the men do not think so. About 85 per cent of those surveyed are professionals, managers, executives and businessmen. The majority of them are aged between 26 and 50.

Ms Cho Chia Min, a counsellor from Care Corner, said that about seven in 10 of the cases they see are wives who complain of their husbands' infidelity.

"Men generally have more pride. Even if their wives had cheated on them, they would be less willing to come forward," said Ms Cho, who has been a counsellor for two years.

Most of the people who cheat on their partners do it for the thrill, she said.

She said she was not surprised by the survey findings as they are consistent with cases she has been seeing. In eight out of 10 cases she has seen, the victims forgive their partners.

Ms Cho said: "But the road to reconciliation is a very tough emotional journey. The victim will always be very paranoid and have a tendency to make unreasonable demands. At the end of the day, whether or not the relationship can be salvaged depends on how much both parties want to stay together."

nghuihui@sph.com.sg

Call Care Corner's toll-free helpline at 1800-353-5800, Monday to Sunday, 10am to 10pm, if you need counselling on relationship matters.