Q I am a single mother. My ex-husband has just told me that he will no longer give me child support money even though he has the means to do so.

I have sole custody of our two children and have raised them on my own for the last 10 years.

I left him because he was emotionally and physically abusive and because he had an affair. I have never regretted getting a divorce, although financially it was initially difficult.

But now, I have a good job and am able to provide adequately for us all. My children are now in their teens, doing well in school and are happy.

Also, two years ago, I met another single father who is willing to give my children a lot of attention and even pay for holidays that I would not be able to afford on my own.

Recently, my ex-husband told me that he wants to have more children with his girlfriend, and will not provide any more for our children. He says that if I do not give him joint custody, he will not give us any more money.

I feel that since I have brought my children up on my own, it is pointless to share custody with someone who does not share my values. Where was he when we really needed him financially?

I am angry that he is threatening me. I feel sad for my children because he is now threatening to abandon them, and focus on his new family.

My parents tell me to just let him be and not fight for money. My boyfriend wants to marry me and is willing to support us.

But what should I tell my children? What should I be concerned about?

A You have been a strong woman bringing up your children on your own. Since you mentioned that your children are well and happy, it shows that you have helped them develop resilience.

Be truthful with them. As long as you have an open and honest relationship with them, they will trust you.

You don't have to say negative things about their father. You may merely share the facts with them - that he does not want to provide them with financial support any more.

Your children's concern will be 'will we have enough?' As you have struggled financially in the past, they may be worried that you will not be able to pay their school fees, the bills, etc, especially as their educational costs increase. So assure them that you (and your partner) will and can provide for their needs. Or tell them what you earn and what the living costs are. This could even develop financial awareness in your children.

They may also wonder if it is their fault that their father does not want to provide for them. They may question if they have done anything to make him that angry.

Find out if they think this way. Assure them that it is not their fault. Tell them that it is a father's responsibility to provide for his children.

Even if he has more children with his new wife, your ex-husband is still responsible for your children's living costs.

Creating a strong family

If you need legal advice on his parental rights and obligations, please ask a family lawyer.

Another concern your children may have is about your new relationship. Given that their own parents have divorced, they would be wondering if this relationship will be a good one. They would not want to be hurt or you to be hurt another time.

So if you and your partner are serious about each other, and are planning to get married, share your plans with your children. Assure them that this marriage will last and be a loving one.

My advice is that both of you participate in a marriage preparation course, and/or in relationship counselling, so that you are both aware of the challenges that a blended family may face. Learn strategies to deal with any issues.

Your parents are right in that there is little to be gained in fighting your ex-husband for more money or any money at all. You have already been blessed with a better job, a good man and are willing to be responsible for his children as well as yours.

Channel your energy into creating a strong blended family. Money can always be made and saved. Treasure your family ties and nurture that. Your children will emerge stronger and wiser. And so will you.

If you have any questions, please e-mail them to sthealth@sph.com.sg

The writer is author of All Kids R Gifted, a life coach and founder of Wand Inspiration. Her latest inspirational self-help book is Break To Dawn: New Challenges, New Commitments.