Chinese New Year means a long season of revelry and celebration and the Year of the Rat is special as it is the first in the Chinese Zodiac of 12 animal signs.

The rat is respected and is associated with admirable qualities like courage and enterprise.

This is therefore seen as a year of renewal, a year in which it is good to embark on change. Or a change of direction.

An ancient Chinese saying goes: 'A day's plan is done in the morning, a year's in spring.'

So while the new year is an occasion for sharing, meeting and of course, eating, what happens after the revelry is over?

That is when the quest for a truly happy new year begins. But what is the roadmap for a truly good life?

Answers can be found in the words of ancient Chinese philosophers, who emphasised the harmonising of emotions. This concept of achieving peace and balance is especially meaningful in today's busy, modern world, where most of us struggle to find it.

MYB spoke to philosophy enthusiast and meditation coach Kong Eng who shared his recipe for achieving balance, distilled from many years of studying the rich terrain of Chinese philosophy.

Mr Eng, who is in his late 30s, has a Bachelor's degree in Philosophy from the National University of Singapore and is a meditation and yoga coach. He has studied meditation under the Korean Zen master Dae Kwang and at Ajanta International Meditation Centre in India.

He says that his primary inspiration is his father, who instilled in him a life-long awe for knowledge and life. Mr Eng's father passed away in 2002, and the most inspiring thing about him, according to his son, is his 'childlike curiosity and enthusiasm for life.'

According to Mr Eng, one of the most fundamental concepts that can be extended to emotional balance is that of yin and yang.

'Yin and Yang were traditionally used to classify things into two categories,' he says, adding that this contrast helps us make comparisons and make sense of our world. 'Some translate it as 'positive/negative', but that may not be accurate.'

He explains that Yang emotions are felt as upward-moving, expansive and forceful and include happiness, agitation, aggression, anger, love, generosity, wastefulness, confidence, pride, courage, zest and so on.

Yin emotions, on the other hand, are felt as consolidating, cool, yielding emotions. These may include contemplativeness, sadness, love, frugality, miserliness, insecurity, humility, fear, cautiousness and so on.

'There are also distinctions between confidence and pride, between humility and 'wussy-ness', which is a matter of balance,' he says.

Emotion is not static
People often think that balancing emotion means achieving complete stillness.

However, Mr Eng explains that emotion is, by nature, 'in motion'.

He says this is why people may seek out vacations in a distant peaceful resort. But that peace can vanish as soon as they reach a long queue at the airport.

'Rare indeed are those who appear calm and composed, functioning happily in the frenzy of our everyday lives,' he says.

He says the kind of balance one should try to achieve, that would be most useful in everyday urban lives, is a dynamic kind of balance that is a harmony of the emotions, which he likens to riding a bicycle.

'This brings to mind the Chinese archetype of the sage who, when elated, does not lose composure (of mind), and when sad, does not fall into despair, but is still able to function and serve others,' he says.

The path to balance
The good news, according to Mr Eng, is that there are time-proven methods to cultivating this balance:

- Key to finding that balance is being honest with ourselves about how we feel, he says.
Once a person gets in touch with his feelings, he can choose to regulate his emotional states.
'Modern psychology calls it metacognition, some call it 'listening to your inner-self', others call it awareness. Whatever its name, the function is the same.'
- Second, decide that you want to create a balance, and make a commitment to make it happen.
- The third factor to attaining that balance is having the mental skills to regulate the emotions. These mental skills include taking the time to reflect on feelings and their causes, through meditation or breathing exercises.

Dealing with anger
Mr Eng lists two simple but effective 'tricks' to help counter-balance a negative emotion, for instance, anger.
- When you next feel you are going to get angry, stop. Watch. Know that you have a choice whether to continue to feel angry, or to give yourself some space to let yourself cool down. Or you can choose to redirect that energy into constructive use.
- At other times, cultivate its direct opposites - like love, gentleness and kindness. Make it a point to do AND say at least one nice thing to at least one person each day.
Assuming you think about what you say, you would have to engage the combined power - doing (body), with saying (thoughts + words). Then, day-by-day, week-by-week, set your own standards higher.
- Chart your progress and encourage yourself to improve.

'And remember it takes practice before you can acquire the skills needed to achieve true balance,' he says.

Putting it into practice
Mr Eng says that certain mental habits get in our way of peace and balance. These could range from defensiveness to perfectionism, lack of acceptance to lack of humility and envy.

These habits are made worse by a lack of awareness.

'We are not aware of how much it's messing up our lives and the lives of those we love. We are not aware that we can live better. And we are too used to the rut we're in to want to change the situation.'

He explains that people are often quick to assume that 'something or someone else' is responsible for their peace, balance or happiness.

'Can you imagine how stressful it is to be on the receiving end when your girlfriend or boyfriend says that her or his happiness is your responsibility?' he says.

Basically, he believes that the stories people make up for themselves are what help or get in the way of peace and happiness.

'Whether we are aware or not, we build our own castles in the air, live in it, and charge ourselves rent for it,' he says.

He lists the best gifts one can give oneself this new year:
-The awareness of how your habits and your stories of yourself could harm you and your loved ones;
-The knowledge that life can be better; and
- Deciding that you want to 'make the better happen'.

'Once you have these three elements, you may find that balance, peace and happiness is right here, right now,' he says.

E-mail: sshefali@sph.com.sg