Sex sells. Yes it does, and right at a convenience store near you.
Babyboomers might remember that when they needed to buy condoms, they had to do so surreptitiously. It was clearly under-the-counter stuff and orders were discreetly made to sales staff.
But with the need to prevent the transmission of the HIV virus and check the spread of other sexually transmitted diseases, condoms changed from being a bad word to a good and necessary one.
Boxes of these line the checkout counters at supermarkets and convenience stores now. It's simply no big deal.
But it doesn't stop there. In the last four or five years, Singapore has seen a range of services and shops dedicated to helping couples improve their sex lives.
Shops selling sex toys and other paraphernalia have mushroomed in malls islandwide. And there seems to be no sleaze factor associated with them any longer. Does this signal a new openness about sex between couples? A loss of inhibitions? Or does it mean that they are in need of help to push their physical relationships along?
Gynaecologists and sexologists who spoke to Mind Your Body said there was a definite willingness among their patients to discuss sexual problems and intimacy issues.
According to Dr Peter Chew, consultant gynaecologist at Gleneagles Hospital, only 20 to 30 per cent of patients who initially consult him for infertility have a 'medical problem' such as erectile dysfunction or vaginismus - a condition that makes sex impossible.
'Couples are barely having sex. Many have sex once a month and expect to conceive,' he said.
The Durex Global Sex Survey ranks Singapore as one of the least sexually active nations. According to DrChew, work-related stress is the number one contributor to lack of interest in sex. Then there is the emotional bond between a couple, which has to be taken into account too.
'It's not really all about sex. If a couple cannot communicate well, sex will suffer,' Dr Chew added.
He said that over the last decade, he has noticed an increasing number of young couples going their own way after the birth of their children. 'I deliver the baby and then a couple of years later, at a check-up, I hear they are going to be divorced.'
On probing the issue with patients, he is convinced that couples have to commit to making time for each other, to listen, bond and keep the romance of their union going.
A year ago, Dr Chew launched a monthly workshop called Make Love Happen, at which couples work at renewing ties or on bettering their relationship.
'They start off with a cruise or a movie, share stories of the marriage experience, listen to talks by psychiatrists and get a holistic picture of love, marriage, sex and fertility,' he said.
So far, at least 1,000 couples have attended various chapters of Make Love Happen, which is a one-day workshop held at different locations islandwide.
Talks on marriage and sexuality are given by psychiatrists and the workshop functions like a ritual where the couples renew their commitment to each other.
'There may be phases in a couple's life when they don't feel like having sex. It does not mean they don't love each other,' Dr Chew said.
This is a concept that psychiatrist Dr Calvin Fones, who speaks at the workshops, also believes in. 'There can be many types of intimacy, and coital intimacy is just an aspect of it,' he said.
Dr Fones believes that there is definitely more awareness among couples about the need for a healthy sex life in which both feel satisfied. He said that couples approach him for help only when initial check-ups with the GP or urologist come back with a normal report.
'If there is a psychological problem with achieving erection or a problem caused by unusual sexual preferences, then they are referred to me. Psychiatrists are not usually the first stop when it comes to sexual problems,' he said.
The workshops that DrFones and Dr Chew conduct are often in an informal place where sexually naive couples learn about intimacy.
'On the one hand there is a lot of sexual openness, but on the other hand there are many who are still very inhibited because of their upbringing, parental attitudes towards sex, religious issues and so on. In a way, this workshop gives them permission to explore their sexuality,' DrFones said.But the proliferation of the concept of 'better sex' and 'orgasm' means that expectations are driven up and not all of them are realistic.'There are many reasons why sex may be emphasised or de-emphasised in a relationship. It's important to reassure people that it's okay to go through phases of not wanting sex,' Dr Fones added.
Dr Wei Siang Wu, famously known as Dr Love, runs a sex therapy service at his Love Playroom - a space for couples to talk about their marriage in an informal atmosphere, look at sex toys and perhaps inject some fun into their lives. The idea is to create a less clinical setting where issues can be discussed without shyness or shame.
Some couples are also seeking alternative ways of improving their sex lives. Tantric sex therapist Christina Low, who runs Tantrapath, said the most common problem afflicting young married couples is usually to do with the man being unable to overcome premature ejaculation.
This can cause the man to become anxious about sex and start avoiding it altogether. Couples often approach her for help in this area so that they can achieve a more satisfactory sex life.
Married women in their 40s and 50s who consult her are usually looking to reconnect with their own sexuality. Often, the rearing of children and inhibitions about their own desirability lead to a total lack of interest in sex.
'Some of them want to know how to feel sexy again or whether it is possible to have an orgasm,' Ms Low said.
Well, if the Durex survey shows that Singaporeans don't have sex all that often, at least we know they're definitely thinking about it.
