Q My sister, who is in Primary 2, keeps asking questions about school work which she knows how to do but refuses to do. She dislikes sedentary activities like sitting down to study. She is an active child who simply loves to go to the playground.

But my mother would say to her: 'You haven't finished your homework, so you cannot go out to play.'

A What can be done to make my sister interested in her studies? What can I, as an elder sister, do to help her?

It is absolutely normal for a young child like your sister to prefer playing to studying. However, not sitting down to study does not necessarily mean she is not interested in her studies. The fact that she keeps asking questions about school work suggests that some level of interest is present.

It might be possible that school work is too easy for her or that she simply wants some attention. A good place to start is to make an effort to understand how she feels about her homework and why she refuses to do it.

Let her answers guide your actions.

Given that she knows how to do her homework, you may wish to begin by acknowledging or praising her abilities. Make her feel good about herself and then find out how she feels about her school work by asking some of the following questions:

- Is school fun or boring? Which part of school is most fun (or boring) for you?
- What is your favourite subject? What do you like about it?
- Which subject do you like the least? What don't you like about it?
- Is your school work easy or difficult?
- Since you are able to do your homework, what would it take for you to complete it quickly so that you could go and play as soon as possible?

Her answers will help you learn how to boost her interest in learning and how to motivate her to complete her homework quickly. Start with her favourite subject and build some momentum first. If homework is too easy for her, you may wish to encourage her to finish it in school during her free time so that she has more time to play at home.

Regardless of her response, guiding her to set priorities for homework and play will certainly benefit her in the long run.

Homework first, then play

Your mother certainly has a good intention to help your sister cultivate the habit of finishing homework before play. However, forbidding her from going to the playground may appear more like a punishment than encouragement. Consider a more positive alternative: 'When you FINISH your homework, you CAN go out to play."

Such a subtle shift can help her develop a greater sense of responsibility by empowering her with a choice to determine when she gets to go out to play. It is important that your mother keeps her word and lets her go to the playground when she has done her part.

Learning through play

Do not underestimate the importance of play in children's development. Through playing, they develop mental abilities and physical and social skills. Given that she is an active child, your sister probably learns more effectively through physical activities than sitting down.

Explore opportunities for introducing activities that could help her learn both academic and non-academic topics, especially in her areas of interest. For example, a game of Treasure Hunt at the playground that requires her to decipher a set of clues, solve puzzles, and overcome physical obstacles could be a fun way to hone her mathematics, language, thinking and physical skills at the same time. Naturally, the more fun she experiences with you, the more interest she would have in learning.

Don't be her 'parent'

Lastly, avoid 'parenting' your sister. As the elder sister, you are in a perfect position to offer her guidance, encouragement, and support. Make time to play with her and strive to sustain a good relationship by paying attention to her thoughts and feelings, listening to her, and being there for her whenever she needs you.

Kenny Toh
for Mind Your Body

Kenny Toh is a life coach and founder of The Coaching Academy and International Network for Parents as Coaches. For details, visit www.coachingacademy.com.sg and www.parentsascoaches.net

This story was first published in Mind Your Body, The Straits Times on Feb 27, 2008.