AS A father of a 14-year old teenage daughter, I have come to realise that fatherhood is certainly not an easy ride in the park.
We have to bring home the bacon as the family breadwinner, and also spend time with the wife and kids.
There are constant pressures on the home front, especially when most family units are so small these days. There is little support from relatives or friends as in the old days.
Failure to do any of those two important tasks and you will be labelled a "lousy father". Many fathers simply bring home the bacon and let the wives do the bringing up and the mothering.
It is something familiar to many women and it's what they've observed of their own fathers. Beyond contributing financially, these fathers generally have no clue as to what else they can contribute to the household.
Some fathers do not even want to change a nappy, or bottle- feed their children.
Many fathers may have also realised that when they try to spend time with their children, their wives may intervene. Sometimes, this leads to conflict as both have differing parenting styles.
Hence, it seems best to leave the kids to the care of their mothers - to maintain peace and harmony in the household. These fathers may wash their hands off their kids but will, surely, live to regret that decision.
The children may bond so well with their mothers that some fathers feel left out of family outings and decisions.
With wives now making great headway in the corporate world, many men feel that their role as breadwinners is diminished. Are they going to be a breadwinner father, a spend-time with- children father, or both?
Who will wear the pants now, when a wife can also earn an income equal to - if not more than - her husband's?
These are issues that a contemporary man needs to iron out by himself, before he can contribute to his family with confidence.
Sometimes, men who are out earning an income cannot find extra time to spend with their families - for example, taxi drivers and employees who work shifts.
I remember my father who was a taxi driver - we never spent much time together when we lived under the same roof. Though he would take my family out for the occasional dinner or movie, he hardly spoke.
Sometimes, I wondered if he disliked me. Our relationship seemed so cold and unbearable.
A year before he died of cancer, he opened up, and we spoke for hours daily to catch up on lost time. I realised that he was a warm and nice man who cared deeply for his family. He told me that he did not know how to connect with us children, beyond trying to provide for the family - which he had failed in.
I guess he felt bad that he did not take good care of us in a material way, and, hence, lost confidence in being a good father. So, now, I try to spend time with my daughter, especially since she is growing up so fast.
As the time spent with my father was lacking, I try not to let my daughter have the same experience. I rush home earlier so we can have some time together daily. We cook meals, watch television and play board games. Although she does not allow me to hold her hand, an occasional hug is still permissible!
Sometimes, I still hope that it had been different with my father - that he could have spent more time with me. The old father role of yesteryear should be history for the fathers of today.
The writer, a former English teacher in a private school here, is a loyal reader of my paper and has recently relocated to Sydney, Australia.
