IT is probably the only job where 'Bitch' is a badge worn with sadistic pride.

It carries with it enormous power. The power to size you up, to keep you out. We scrutinise clubbers from top to toe, and separate the slob from the stylish.

And we can spoil your night

.Not without reason that clubbers call us bitches.

Indeed, door bitches or, more politely, door hosts, are guardians of the club's reputation and good taste.

How do we see you? What goes on in our cynical, discerning minds behind that cold, arrogant glare?

I have been 'the door bitch', 'the arrogant girl', the 'who-does-she-think-she-is' girl.

Who do I think I am? I am the custodian of the three entry lines that lead to fun.

Those are the lines - often red velvet ropes with silver strands - that separate the beautiful from the ordinary, the privileged from the wannabes, the genuinely cool from the poseurs.

The ropes and silver ropes merge towards one point - the club's bouncers, and that door you're hoping to get through.

Who belongs to which line?

VERY IMPORTANT DRINKERS

Call them VIDs. Their high self-esteem gives them a cock-of-the-walk strut when they approach the door bitch.

They stare at her as if she's an imbecile if she does not recognise them immediately.

'Look at me,' they say without saying it, 'I'm here to splurge and to grace and beautify your space.'

VIDs are warmly received. Doors open for them as if they are royalty. They never have to queue, get the best tables, and are always surrounded by models.

How do you become a VID?

Simply spend an obscene amount of money, wear nice shoes, tip the valet heavily, drive a Lamborghini (can borrow daddy's).

Alternatively, you can opt for plastic surgery.

MEMBERS

Unlike the VIDs whose faces are their passports to priority entry (because of the money it represents), the member's golden ticket is a piece of plastic. They entitle the holder to friendship with the club and priority in the queue.

WANNABES

Also known as the 'nobodys', they are the who's-not-who of the queue.

They are the ones stuck for ages in the normal line looking over enviously at those in the priority queues.

But don't be quick to judge - wannabes are often good-looking and stylish. They do spend a fair amount of money enjoying their wine and song, and do not fuss about how the red carpet should be rolled.

The denizens of the Normal Line tend to be fast learners. Once they realise that money can take you through the door with less fuss, they buy extra bottles of vodka that they don't need.

REJECTS

This breed is perhaps the most pathetic. They approach the menacing bouncers with darting eyes and quivering hands, utterly self-conscious about their lack of status in life.

Rejects are the unfortunate year-end babies falling a few months short of turning 18. They are either there on borrowed IDs, borrowed clothes, or lost ICs.

One of the downsides of checking out the latest cool, happening club in town is that everyone is checking it out, too. That means there will be capacity problems - and rejects who won't even get a peek at the chic toilet decor.

How to get past the door bitch? Start with the way you look.

Remember that Crocs are not allowed, even if you say they are your dancing shoes. And please put on a shirt, guys. Nipple tents on your washed-out singlet was never in season.

Don't be a dress code criminal and never protest to the bouncers that someone who was allowed in was wearing the same shoes as you because you'll get the same tired answer: 'Friend of boss'.

Which also means, 'son-of-(insert name of sultan)', 'owns-money-tree', or 'pays-a-week-of-my-wages'.

Sometimes you'll hear the bouncers say, 'He works here as a cleaner. Now please step out of the line.'

Forget Prince's song about you not having to be rich to turn him on. When you present yourself at the door of any dance club, you have to be rich. If you're beautiful too, it's a bonus.

Remember: Club entry is not a democracy. Not everyone is equal. And because the image of the club is at stake, it rests on door bitches to exercise clientele quality control.

They are the stone-faced girls you love to hate, the Simon Cowells of the chic and cheesy, the dour bitch at the door.

• Yvonne worked for a year as a door host at a well-known club in Singapore.